where was this kid when i needed him?

a week before the 5th grade talent show… cut to me crying in my room as i realized i could not do an amazing duo performance the way i envisioned it in my head because the girls i “auditioned” were all talentless stepford-wives-in-training. i had to dumb it down and do a flavorless dance routine to “new york, new york” with a girl named Amy. yeah, people loved it, and the costumes i designed were super cute, but it just wasn’t as fabulous as the routine i had worked out in my head. if i would have had THIS little ray of sunshine in my class, i am SURE the finale to our routine would have been a unicorn farting glitter all over the audience while they stood and clapped and cried over the massive talent they had just witnessed.

fuck you amy.

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i hope hell isn’t as bad as it’s rumored to be….

i literally sat in front of my computer for a full 3 minutes with my mouth open, in silence, after watching this for the first time.

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can’t. breathe. laughing too hard.

reason #48 why you shouldn’t wear a BIKINI if you are the drunk big girl at the beach. You should probably also stay away from the water if you’ve been drinking 22oz Coronas since 6am. This shit is hilarious…. it just doesn’t end!!

(via dlisted.com)

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what’s wrong with lilo?

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nobody puts baby in the corner… unless she has a spray can

via TheArabParrot

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if you love somebody, let them go. if they return, they were always yours…

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word.

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