a week before the 5th grade talent show… cut to me crying in my room as i realized i could not do an amazing duo performance the way i envisioned it in my head because the girls i “auditioned” were all talentless stepford-wives-in-training. i had to dumb it down and do a flavorless dance routine to “new york, new york” with a girl named Amy. yeah, people loved it, and the costumes i designed were super cute, but it just wasn’t as fabulous as the routine i had worked out in my head. if i would have had THIS little ray of sunshine in my class, i am SURE the finale to our routine would have been a unicorn farting glitter all over the audience while they stood and clapped and cried over the massive talent they had just witnessed.
fuck you amy.